We Only Get One

Here’s the thing about kids: some of them...they just don’t care.

They say they want to grow up to play in the NBA, but don't care enough about their dream to do the work. They need help in reading, but don't care enough about reading to ever pick a book. Sometimes, this lack of care is entitlement: “The internet gives me whatever I want, so I deserve to be given everything I want, too”.

Or maybe they care, but either through words or experiences, learn they don’t have the power or voice or ownership or agency required to turn care into change, and don’t ever try. Or maybe they try, but as they try, taking their first steps to stake a claim in the world, declaring who they are, and what they want to become, they are shouted down by peers, laughed at, doubted, sabotaged.

Then, the end: they give up.

And they just don't care.

But here’s the thing about kids: they learn all of this from us.

We don’t care enough about our dreams to do the work. We want change — but don’t care enough to make it our responsibility. We know we need to do better, but don’t care enough to pick up the phone, talk to our spouse, learn from a mentor, or say what we really mean. Sometimes, our lack of care is entitlement, believing that other people should act more like Amazon and that we deserve to get whatever we want from them, whenever we want it.

We say we need to communicate and collaborate, but addicted to our egos, are unwilling to burn down the silos and fences that prevent true relationships and divide communities. Maybe we care, but either by words or experiences, learn we don’t have the power or voice or ownership or agency required to turn care into change, so don’t ever try. Or maybe when we see someone who does, we shout them down, laugh at them, doubt them, sabotage them, and fulfill our own prophecies.

Then, the end: we give up.

And we just don't care.

During a meeting with a group of teenagers, I asked if they felt like their community cared about them.

A girl sitting to my right raised her hand. “I think the community cares about kids, but not in the ways that we need,” she said. “I think most adults care about kids, but it feels like we live in two different worlds. And when we don’t feel like we’re part of the same world, we leave to find our own.”

Imagine a world where you’re ignored, where when we speak up you’re told to shut up, where you’re looked at as someone who’s thoughts and emotions only matter when turn 18, pay your taxes, get a job, and only if you always agree. A world filled with conflict, with thoughtless argument, with people addicted to themselves, with endless distraction away from meaningful things, a world of shouting, and laughing, and doubting.

You’d want to leave and find a different world, too.

But here’s the thing about the world: we only get one. There is no other world to find, so we need to change the world into one our kids don’t want to leave.

One we don’t want to leave.

And to do that, we need to do the work our dreams deserve. We need to understand that the change we want is also our responsibility. We need to pick up the phone, have the hard conversation, and say what we really mean. We need to love other people, and not just expect things from them. We need more empathy and less ego. We need to burn down our fences and silos. We need to realize our power and voice and ownership and agency. We need to support those who try, laugh at ourselves, speak life instead of sabotage, and fulfill our own prophecies.

We need to change the world.

And to do that, we need to care.

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